Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction is an approach developed by a woman named Byron Katie to free herself from suffering and has proven effective at helping others do the same. It’s obviously not the only way to free oneself from suffering, just a way that works extremely well for certain kinds of minds. You’ll know what’s right for you.
The approach involves the inner-wisdom-led, open-minded, rigorously honest questioning of a thought in search of the truth, a truth that is only knowable by the person whose thought is being questioned (and which is always kinder than any stressful thought).
Because no one can ever know what is true for another person, Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction is a self-administered framework (though a guide can often be helpful when one is learning to do it).
To begin, I identify a stressful thought: “My mother should have paid more attention to me.” “My boss shouldn’t have taken credit for my work.” “The music is too loud.” “They are not helping me.” “So-and-so is in danger.” Any stressful thought will do.
In my imagination, I situate myself in the exact moment in time the thought occurred to me.
While quietly reflecting on that moment in time, I sit in the following questions, allowing the truth to emerge from my own wisdom. I am slow with this and open to all possibilities, simply waiting to be shown the truth without imposing it.
The first question is:
1. Is it true?
If an honest “no” arises, I can skip to question 3. If an honest “yes” arises, question two goes a little deeper, just to check:
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Again: “yes” or “no.”
Either answer is acceptable, as long as I’ve given it the space to rise from within rather than from some predetermined conviction.
Once I’ve explored the truth of the thought, it’s time to examine the effects of believing that thought on my life and relationships.
Question three asks:
3. How do I react - what happens to my body, my face, my verbal responses, my treatment of myself and others - when I believe the thought?
I list all the reactions I can think of.
I take a moment to sit in the recognition and feel it.
Then question four imagines a world where the stressful thought could never have arisen:
4. Who would I be in that moment if I couldn’t have that thought, if it was just impossible for it to occur to me?
I just describe myself: “I would be a person enjoying a bowl of Cheez-Puffs and a game of Jeopardy in peace.” “I would be a guy watching a swim meet with his friends around him.” “I’d be a calm, centered husband who’s interested in his wife’s opinion.”
I sit in the recognition and feel it.
Questions three and four show me that my suffering comes not from what has happened, but from what I am thinking and believing about what has happened.
When I’ve identified the thought, examined its truth or falsity and thoroughly contemplated its effect on my reactions and identity, I’m ready to examine if the opposite of the stressful thought may be just as true - or truer - than the original thought.
5. Could the opposite of that thought be at least as true?
I look for opposites to the original thought (Byron Katie calls them “turnarounds”).
When I’ve identified an opposite, I think of at least three examples supporting this opposite reading of the situation. Maybe it’ll ring true and maybe it won’t.
This is not about kidding myself or talking myself into anything, or denying or overpowering the original thought. It’s about expanding the menu of possibilities for what I honestly recognize to be true.
Again: this is quiet meditation, an honest and open-minded search for the truth. The trick, again, is to be still and let my wisdom show me.
“They are not helping me” turned around becomes…
“I am not helping me.”
I sit in it. In what ways am I not helping me in that situation? I think of examples. How does it feel? Could this be as true or truer than the original stressful thought?
“I am not helping them.”
“They are helping me.”
“They are not hurting me.”
When I inquire openly and honestly into my stressful thoughts, I loosen the death-grip they have on my life and I find that my pain and suffering begin to lift. After a while, what’s left is joy, gratitude, peace, relief, freedom, laughter…
The “Judge-Your-Neighbor” Worksheet
If I want to go deep, I can interview the part of me that introduces the stressful thoughts that bring all my suffering. This allows me to hear this protective part of me all the way out and address all of its concerns,
The following questions, asked and answered in this order, are carefully designed to address – and potentially dismantle – all of the various bits of scaffolding that hold up my suffering.
Before starting, I define the situation clearly and root myself in it. I allow myself to answer freely from an emotional standpoint, yet concisely from a practical standpoint. Example: “My boss is a f#%$ing idiot.” (emotionally free and concise)
What is the principal stressful thought that’s bringing my suffering in this situation?
What do I want from this person or situation?
What should that person/situation do? What should they not do?
In order to be happy in this situation, what do I need that person/situation to think, say, feel, do, or be?
That person/situation is _____, _____, _____, _____, … (string of adjectives)
I never want to experience _____ again.
Once I have collected all of my responses, I return to question each response, one-by-one, using the five questions above.